Resilience in Life and Leadership

Burned Out to Roaring with Guest Christina Stathopoulos: Resilience in Life and Leadership Episode 010

• Stephanie Olson • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Stephanie chats with Christina Stathopoulos, a young woman who went from burned out to a roaring success. 

Christina is a Professional Certified Coach and an Accomplishment Coaching Certified Coach. She holds degrees with high honors in Chemistry and English from Mount Holyoke College. 
 
 In her business, Hear Her Roar, Christina specializes in working with millennial women who have taken on a new leadership role and are facing the common struggles of managing a team--having executive presence, leading people towards a goal, letting go of doing all the do. In addition to her private practice, she serves the next generation of coaches and leaders as a Leader in Training of Accomplishment Coaching’s Coach & Leadership Training Program.
 
 When she is somehow not talking about coaching or leadership, you can find her brewing beer, sneaking more plants into her office, eating delicious meals with her husband, crying over cute dogs on Instagram, or setting a few witchy intentions.

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/hearxtinaroar

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/hearherroarcoach

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cstat/

Website - https://hearherroar.net/

https://stephanieolson.com

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com

Stephanie Olson:

Welcome to the being resilient podcast with your host Stephanie. Hi. I'm Stephanie Olson and I'm excited to introduce to you Christina Stathopoulos. Christina is a professional certified coach, and an accomplishment coaching certified coach. She holds degrees with high honors in chemistry and English from Mount Holyoke College in her business. Hear her roar. Christina specializes in working with millennial women who have taken on a new leadership role and are facing the common struggles of managing a team having executive presence, leading people towards a goal letting go of doing all the do. In addition to her private practice, she serves the next generation of coaches and leaders as a leader in training of accomplishment coachings coach and leadership training program when she is somehow not talking about coaching or leadership, you can find her brewing beer, sneaking more plants into her office, eating delicious meals with her husband crying over cute dogs on Instagram or setting a few witchy intentions. So let's listen to this interview with Christina stathopoulos. Hello, welcome to the being resilient podcast and I am so excited to have Christina stuck populace with us. Did I say that? Right? Yes, he did. Oh, yes. Okay, very good. And I'm really excited to hear about her story because on her website, so so I'm gonna let her tell you all of this, but hear her roar. dotnet one of the first things you see says I was 23 years old and burned out. So I just that is not a good place to be. And I would just love to hear a little bit about your story and what you are doing and how you are resilient. What that looks like in your life.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah, thanks so much, Stephanie. So, um, I mean, I guess to kick things off, what a way to start a website, right? Love it.

Stephanie Olson:

Catching, it's eye catching, right?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah, well, um, I guess to share a little bit about me and you know, share where a sentence like that even comes from? You know, so I was privileged and fortunate enough to go to college. And I went to Mount Holyoke College. It's one of the original seven sisters. And so I'll never forget, you know, first day on campus orientation. I got told, Hey, Christina, it doesn't matter that you're a woman. It doesn't matter that you're queer. It doesn't matter that you're a child of immigrants, your voice matters. And you can go and do and be whatever you want to be, and your leadership is necessary, and your voice is necessary.

Stephanie Olson:

I was expecting you to say the exact opposite. So that's great to hear.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah. And so and so it was great to hear because there I got to spend four years on a campus that was like, You rock, you're amazing. And, you know, we want you to shine. And then in 2014, I graduated, and I hit the streets of New York City, all bright eyed and optimistic thinking, My voice matters. And as it turned out, I'm you know, employment, didn't speak quite the same language that my campus had spoken. And yeah, yeah. And, and the most startling part to me was here. I was having been told my whole life you worked so hard, you have two degrees, you're gonna crush it. And I actually not a lot of people know this. I spent the first eight months after my graduation, unemployed. Oh, wow. Yeah, I couldn't, couldn't land a job. I actually had to take my degrees off my resume just to get a job at a store in a mall. So that I at least had something to do. I was living with my parents. I was just like, Yeah,

Stephanie Olson:

not really a typical not not that a typical so yeah, wow. That's yeah, place to be though.

Christina Stathopoulos:

It was and so, you know, I did all I could think to do which is hustle, hustle, hustle network network network. And I finally landed a position and a late stage startup. Now I was like, okay, like, I figured this out. It was run by another Greek American woman. And so thinking, here's a mentor, or someone that's gonna really like lift me up and empower me. And that's when the opposite happened. That's when I had this really, really soul crushing experience of working in a company that is People above me would belittle me, they would belittle my ideas, they would tell me things wouldn't work, and then go ahead and use them anyway and credit themselves. And then in addition to that, as I mentioned, I was living at home at the time with my parents in New Jersey. And so I had these, sometimes two, sometimes three hour commutes. Sure, yeah, both directions. And that sentence like that first part on my website of being burnt out. It's not just like a catchy thing to say, like, I actually still have this visceral memory of like, a Wednesday night, I finally made

it home. It was like, 8:

30pm, I hadn't even eaten dinner yet. I was laying on the floor of my bedroom. And a girlfriend had texted me asking if I wanted to go get drinks. And I told her really, candidly, I was like, Hey, I just got home, I have any eaten yet. And I've got to be up again in seven and a half hours. And I don't think I have it in me. And I just, I can still remember how it felt to just start crying on my floor. And it was just from this, like, wait a minute, like, I've worked so frickin hard. All these years was told the hard work would pay off. When is that going to happen? Yeah, what? What is? What is the way out here?

Stephanie Olson:

Yeah. Wow. So. And I think that I, I'm excited to hear the rest of your story. Because I have a feeling that was probably a moment that was really kind of a crossroads for you. I think it's so interesting, because we do have those expectations. And we have it with everything right. And we've got it with work, we've got it with parenting, we've got it with relationships, that it's going to look a certain way, and it's going to go like this. And when it doesn't, that can be pretty devastating. Huh? Yeah. So okay, so you're crying on your floor? You're thinking this is not going the way I expected it to go? Then what? Yeah, so

Christina Stathopoulos:

then, you know, I just started asking myself, well, maybe maybe there isn't like some golden ticket opportunity waiting for me to find somewhere like maybe I have to go create it may have to go do it. And so I took the only thing I knew, really, which was a lot of women's empowerment, having had the college experience that I had, and then having some basic event coordinating ability, because of this job that I had in this startup. Yeah. And I started putting together these women's empowerment events. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And, you know, again, here I was in New York City, having no idea what the heck I was doing. And everything was very expensive to do. So I think I'm trying to remember I think my first event had like a grand total of four people, one of which was my mother, right? Yes. Okay. Right. My daughter lives in New York. I

Stephanie Olson:

know, it's if you could make it there, man. Yeah,

Christina Stathopoulos:

I get anywhere. Yeah. Cliche for a reason. But um, but yeah, like I just I kept swinging and missing, swinging and hitting, just trying a bunch of things. And lo and behold, I was doing interviews for this panel. And I met this woman who was calling herself a life coach. And I feel like this was just before anyone, and everyone started using coaching as like a term that was out and about. And so I was like, I don't know what that means. Could you? Could you explain this to me a little bit more. And the bottom line is the next thing I knew we had so much in common and so much synergy that we were producing a lot of events together. And one day after a particularly successful event that we had held, you know, it was like a cold night in November. I remember turning her turning to me and just saying like, Christina, have you ever thought of becoming a coach? Have you ever thought of not just hosting events where other women get to make a difference, but you get to make a difference. And I was like, there's a tell I don't even know how to do that. School. So long story short, with basically a year later, I was graduating from a coach training program that I went through and, and yeah, I'm fortunate enough to say that now for about the last five and a half years, I've been running my own leadership coaching business, as you mentioned, it's called hear her roar. And I'm just especially passionate about working with women leaders that seek to have bold voices and that have an impact, but that don't need to make that impact at the cost of their own joy or satisfaction. That's a really big thing for me.

Stephanie Olson:

Absolutely. And I think, you know, so many times there's this real conflict with that sometimes and especially as women, I would think. So now, are most of your clients do you? Do you coach with groups? Do you coach with individuals? Or both? Or how does that work? Yeah, so

Christina Stathopoulos:

I do a mix of both individual coaching and group coaching. I love both of them for very different reasons, I think what's really special about groups is that you kind of automatically build a community for yourself, because you're working with other people that are up to similar things as you, right. But at the same time, I love the one on one attention that I get to have with clients, because you just get to know them really intimately. You get to learn their dreams, you get to hear a lot of their fears and insecurities. And when you're one on one with a coach, you just get so much personalized attention that way.

Stephanie Olson:

I love that. So, talk to me about the difference between a coach and a counselor. I mean, what what are an AI? Yeah, so

Christina Stathopoulos:

um, there's actually there's, there's a pretty funny analogy I like to use when I talk to people about the distinctions between coaching and counseling, or even coaching and consulting, which I think is the other one that gets confused with a lot. And this is gonna sound so silly, but one way I like to think of it is imagine that one day you fell into a hole.

Stephanie Olson:

Okay, do it almost daily. But go ahead. Yes.

Christina Stathopoulos:

So like, imagine one day you fell into a hole, how a counselor, a consultant and a coach would address you in the hole is what makes them different. Okay? So, for example, a counselor or a therapist might go, oh, no, I see you fallen into a hole. How does that how does that make you feel? What What memories does that bring up for you with regards to other times that you've fallen into holes, you know, it as being in the hole remind you of, you know, when you fell or embarrassed yourself in front of your father, like, it becomes a very feelings based conversation, motions based past based. And I have it that counselors and therapists, they're trained with the primary incentive to heal the people that they work with. Whereas then say I was a consultant, I'd be like, Hey, Stephanie, I've seen you fallen into this hole, do you want the best method to climb back out of it? Because if you do, I can tell you, it's this ladder, I could tell you, it's this rope, I'm gonna lower down for you. As you can see,

Stephanie Olson:

I love this

Christina Stathopoulos:

I love so I'm looking for your problem. I'm assuming it's to get out of the hole. And I'm here to tell you the most effective way to do it based on the ways that I know how to do it. Okay, that's consulting, expert driven, etc. Where me as a coach, I walk past you and I go, Hey, Stephanie, have you noticed that you're in a hole? Where would you like to be? Once you're out of the hole? What do you want to do next, like what's available in life outside of this hole? So it's open ended? It's curious. I'm not making any assumption that you actually want to be in or out of it. I'm just curious, like, hey, what? What are you going from here? What do you want me to do?

Stephanie Olson:

I love that, because it really does. Put the ownership on the other person, you're not telling them what to do. You're not telling them how to do it, you're really just opening up kind of the opportunity to make some decisions that maybe you haven't even thought about yet.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Exactly. And, you know, I think what's great about coaching is it's not a one size fits all approach. Like I don't like you know, people often ask me like, well, what's the signature program that you sell? And I'm like, Oh, well, I don't, I don't actually sell signature programs, simply because like, I don't believe clients are a one size fits all what works for me may not be what works for you. And if I assume, at least as a coach, right, like, if I assume that it will work for you, I might miss out on you helping me learn something different.

Stephanie Olson:

So have you ever been in a situation where you're coaching somebody, it's just it seems to be going well, and then all of a sudden, you hit some trauma that maybe they didn't even realize was there and how do you handle something like that?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah. So um, it's definitely something that's come up before, especially if I have clients who maybe have never done any kind of personal or professional development work. That seems to be the most common like, surprise, right? Your trauma guys. thing has come up. And what I always tell people is that you can absolutely 110% still be coached. If you have trauma. If you couldn't, I don't know how coaches would have gigs because most of us have, whether it's big to your little T Yes. Something that has gone on. We all have to end trauma is trauma is trauma. I mean, right? Yep, we all have it. With that being said, I am not A trained counselor or therapist, so I'm not actually trained in modalities to heal your trauma, regulate your trauma, resolve your trauma. I'm not even trained to diagnose you, right? Like, I think one of the most common occurrences of this is I'll have clients that will use like language that kind of sends up some flags for me, like, they'll say, like, oh, this makes me super, super anxious. I've been really depressed about this. And rather than try to diagnose them, you know, it's my job, just pause and go, Hey, I've noticed you've used this language a couple times. Is that just vernacular for you? Or is there an experience that you're having? And at that point, it's up to me to be humble enough to actually like, pause and ask, you know, what other resources they have if they've ever considered being supported by a therapist or similar professional in that manner. And if anything, I always tell people that like therapy plus coaching, I think, is the winning combo for a lot of us

Stephanie Olson:

therapy is always good. And if you can add something else to that, I think that is a great, great thing. Absolutely. So um, now I love your website, by the way, you definitely all have to go on hear her roar. dotnet because it is excellent. But and I know you wrote about this, but one of the things that I I am really interested in, I talk about resilience in life and leadership. And sometimes we put leadership in a box, like leadership is being a CEO leadership is doing this, but we're leaders in our family life, we're leaders in, you know, our, whatever it might be, we're doing. And you wrote a blog saying what my pregnancy taught me about leadership. I would love to hear a little bit about that.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm still learning from it. So you will continue to just Yes, forever in a day, the ultimate the ultimate leadership training program motherhood? Yeah, so I am very blessed to have a little four month old baby girl at home as we speak. She's being very quiet downstairs with grandma.

Stephanie Olson:

That is well done right there. Right?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yes, but um, part of what inspired me comparing pregnancy to leadership is, you know, everyone has their own track, right. Like some people became mothers first and then get into a career others had a career then entered motherhood, you know, we all have our own journey. Mm hmm. For me, it was this funny thing where I happen to be in this realm of leadership coaching and leadership training for about four, four and a half years. And then I decided to get pregnant. And on one hand, all of this training made me like really well equipped to, like, have the conversations that I needed to have. But on the other hand, being pregnant and going through the journey of growing another human birthing another human taking a parental leave all the right, all the nuts and bolts, really taught me a lot about new ways to be an effective leader. And I think one of one of the biggest lessons that I learned is you mentioned that a lot of people put leadership in a box. And I think one of the ways we put leadership in a box is we assume that when you're the leader, you can't need anything. Hmm, yeah, to have it all figured out. And all together. Yep. Um, and what I learned from growing a human is oftentimes you don't have it all.

Stephanie Olson:

Most of the times, that's correct,

Christina Stathopoulos:

yeah. Or all together. And, you know, as someone that was always like a big overachiever tight, especially in certain trimesters in my pregnancy, where I didn't have as much energy. I had a lot of aches and pains, I couldn't go through call after call after call back and forth, back and forth the way that I used to, like, I had to learn, oh, like, first of all, I need to slow down, and that needs to be okay. But second of all, if I still want to be producing as much I need to learn how to communicate to the people around me, these are my needs. You know, this is this is how I want my experience of my leadership to go or with my experience with my pregnancy to go, how can you help me who am I not turning to that's, you know, in my circle that wants me to win because I've always done it myself.

Stephanie Olson:

Right, right. That's really good. So what I hear you saying is that we in, in obviously pregnancy, but really every aspect of leadership or life in general, we need to be able to ask for help when we need it. We need to be able to say okay, I'm, I'm in over my head, but I think there's such a stigma sometimes to really, if I ask for help, it means that I am failing somehow, if I ask for help, it means I'm not doing what I need to do. And my guess is that you really do talk about that quite a bit in your coaching. What would you say to somebody who is saying, yeah, yeah, I might need to ask for help. But I really, you know, I need to do it all or it will only get done well, if I do it. And you know, it has to be done the right way. What would you say to somebody?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Oh, my God? Well, first of all, I think what you're pointing to, that's probably the most common conversation I have with most of my clients, because they are all leaders in some way. Yeah. And I've actually found that they're kind of like archetypes, or are different, different ways in which that like, No, I can't ask or No, it has to be me shows up and I call them a little leadership gremlins. But really, like, it's all forms of self sabotage. And I find like, you're usually in a couple different categories, either. You're not asking for help, because you need to be a martyr. Because that's how you prove your valuable. Yeah. You're not asking for help, because you're a perfectionist. And so if someone else is going to do it for you, if they don't do it your way, then it's the highway or you know, a lot then the other group is like people pleasers. Yeah, like, No, I can't ask for help. Because like, then I'm putting a burden on someone, and then they're not gonna like me anymore, or Yeah, or whatever the case may be. So I think for each client, I would first get clear on that, like, what's actually the block to getting the help. And then once we're clear on what that block is, you know, I think to each person, it's that unique experience of like, Hey, I hear you loud and clear. And it sounds like you doing it this way has run its course, Mm hmm. Like, here's how successful you can be doing it that way. Or here's how far you can scale your business doing it that way or, but here's all the other things that you're saying you're wanting that isn't actually going to be possible unless you change it up. Right. Right.

Stephanie Olson:

So you've been doing this now for about five and a half years. Hmm. And so tell me, I mean, what a drastic change that had to have been being in the, you know, corporate world working for the man. And then all of a sudden, you're working for yourself with a partner and you're, you know, putting on events. You're, I mean, I'm sure that just is a huge change in everyday life.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Mm hmm. Yeah, well, what's interesting is, at first, it wasn't in a way, and I think it was because, as I mentioned, I was a recovering overachiever, I was used to like reporting to someone or needing to work really hard, or get straight A's or be the best team player, whatever, for some authority figure, right. And what I found was when I first enter entrepreneurship, and I didn't have like that boss, or that teacher or that whomever anymore that like I became it like, I would start talking myself down or being being like, alright, Christina, like you don't get to pay yourself until XYZ happens like I just became my own police

Stephanie Olson:

in my head. Absolutely. I so along with this work that I do on the resilience aspect, I also run a nonprofit that does prevention education in the area of human trafficking and social media safety and health relationships. And and so you do wind up I mean, it there's just this different mentality of something that you kind of take on as your own when you become the boss or whatever it may be. You there is a different ownership to it. There's a different changes the whole the whole premise of your work, I think.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah, and I think it's, um, I think it can be daunting for a lot of people. And we all have flavors of it. I think my flavor of it especially because as I mentioned, it's not like I was particularly old or had been through that many other careers before I started to give this a shot. My biggest confrontation was just that imposter syndrome.

Stephanie Olson:

I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, that's a big one. Explain that for people who have never experienced that at all.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Um, well, first of all, send me an email. I'd love to know your trade secrets, but

Stephanie Olson:

ignore that ignore

Christina Stathopoulos:

Ooh, yeah, like um, imposter syndrome really just that, that sense it like that question your head of like, Who do you think you are? Or, like, you're way too young to be doing that, or men do that women don't do that, or well, so and so already does what you're thinking of doing, and they're already so successful. So there's no space for you to be doing that as well. It's just the, the need to compare and the need to question like, Who the heck are you? What value do you bring to the table to make any of that

Stephanie Olson:

possible? Right? That's so good. And the reality is, we know ourselves, we know our strengths, we know our weaknesses. And I think there's, I have a friend who, as a speaker, I have always been pretty public with what I talk about. And I wound up meeting, one of the women who used to, you know, be a part of my things, and we became very close, very good friends. And she said to me one day, you know, I always really put you on a pedestal and, and really admired you. And then I got to know you. It's like, that's what happens. It's we know ourselves, we know, the ins and outs, we know. And so, and we take our worst, and we compare it to other people's best. And that's, that's a challenge. Yeah,

Christina Stathopoulos:

it is a challenge. And you know, I think earlier, you were mentioning, remind me again, it was sort of that concept of like how we as women, especially we see what other people are up to, and we we feel like that's not for us. Yeah. And I think, or like we feel dumb if we need help. Right. And I think that combined with like that pedestal approach of like, you know, put your heroes up here, right, I think that's, I think that's actually like a version of leadership that's starting to wane. You know, the whole, like, top down approach of like, that person on the pedestal knows so much more than right, you right, and I am so beneath them, because I don't know as much. And I feel like in actuality, when you step off the pedestal, like when people can see that you're a human. Like, that's what actually raises them up as well. I agree. And so I think for a lot of us, part of like building our resiliency is whether it's as entrepreneurs or as leaders or as whatever, it's, you know, being willing to be in partnered equal conversations, not I know, more, I know less than whoever I'm speaking to.

Stephanie Olson:

Exactly. And I and I think that I always say to people, you know, if someone puts you on a pedestal, you better jump down before you get kicked off. Because that's what ultimately happens. We cannot we cannot hold that level of glory, because it's not, it's not a real thing. So that's really good. Okay, so tell me, as we wrap up a little bit, what does resilience mean to you?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Hmm, to me, resilience, I think, ultimately means bandwidth. Hmm. Like, it's,

Stephanie Olson:

this is perfect from a millennial, right? That's my generation. I never say that. This is good. I like it. Okay.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Well, you know, it's funny. Um, so in addition to running my own business, I'm also a trainer, like I train new coaches out into the world. And we talk a lot about resilience and bandwidth, specifically, the idea of how much you can be with things right before you crack or get frustrated, or give up or a talk or whatever it is. And so, when I say bandwidth, it's like, here's all the room that I have to be with when things aren't okay. Yeah, we all know the cliche, like a smooth seas never made a strong sailor. I find that resiliency isn't something that grows when everything's perfect. It's what grows when things aren't perfect. That's good. And so as a result, like, in order to grow your resiliency, you have to actually screw up. You have to have it not given right all the time. And let me tell you motherhood or parents, right.

Stephanie Olson:

Get really good at that screw up. Yes.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah. Excellent screw up by the time

Stephanie Olson:

even just four months in you do and be okay with it. That's the key, right? Because, yeah, it's I think that's, that's perfect. And I always say, resilience is two steps forward, two steps back. I mean, it's just, it doesn't mean you've arrived. It doesn't mean you've overcome every it just means that you're doing the journey, and you're doing it well. And when you get knocked back down or push that hole, you get back up and It's just a constant, constant journey.

Christina Stathopoulos:

Yeah, I love that visual. You know, I tell a lot of clients, they seem to think that resiliency or transformation or growth should be a linear process. Like, oh, the more I work on this, the better at it, I should be, right. When in actuality, like what happens is, is something super confronting. And so you, you grow, you grow, you grow, you grow, you grow. And now the things in your comfort zone again, and there's like a plateau like you don't need to grow anymore. Like you've figured it out. Yeah. And then you hit the next challenge. And it's like, oh, shoot, grow, grow, grow, grow. So if there's a constant ebb and flow, it's not linear. And I think part of our work in building resiliency is to not be so surprised or frustrated when it becomes uncomfortable again, or when things are challenging again, that's good.

Stephanie Olson:

And I think that's where, you know, sometimes you got to sit in those feelings, and you got to get through that moment, and it sucks, but then you really do come out a stronger person from just doing that piece. So well, Christina, this has been great. I really enjoy talking to you anything else that you would like to share with the listeners, before I asked you to share how they find you?

Christina Stathopoulos:

Uh, let me think, uh, I think just the biggest thing is kind of that last piece we were talking about, which is one of the biggest things necessary to build your resiliency is to not be surprised or hard on yourself when things become challenging again, because it's an it's never an if ever. Nothing is an if it's a one.

Stephanie Olson:

I love that actually. Yeah, you got to give yourself grace. It's and we are the hardest people on ourselves. We're our own worst critic. That is good advice. That is fabulous. So Christina, how can people find you? So

Christina Stathopoulos:

um, let's see, you could find me. Stephanie has been generous enough to mention multiple times now on my website, hear her roar. dotnet alternatively, I am on Instagram at hear Xtina roar. Or you can connect with me on LinkedIn, Christina stathopoulos. PCC.

Stephanie Olson:

Awesome. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And listeners, check Christina out. And absolutely, if you need some life coaching, which frankly, we all do, definitely look her up. So thank you so much for being a part of being resilient. And listeners. Thank you for being a part of our day. We'll talk to you soon.